Friday, September 9, 2011

PLAYDREAMCASTSTATION

Who am evar play Dreamcast? LOSERS, THAT'S WHO. Why am make a Dreamcast 2 when firstfirst sucksuck so bad? ??? It good you no am in console business no more. Dreamcast 2 no am good, man. Leave it to Sony and Microsoft. Goodgood. But if you am do make Dreamcast 2, you should listen me am following advice.

9. Name it PLAYDREAMCASTSTATION. It sell millions. It no stupid, it awesome name! You try, it workworkwork! Everyone will scream great name at top of lungs, because it am greatness in name form personified, because it great! JUST BECAUSE. YESHYESH?

8. You change company name to SOSENYGA SAMMICROSOFTY HOLDINGS. This work wonder for you. Me am know this. You am will, too. ZUGZUGS aplenty. Big much.

7. Good launch titles. Launch with Madden, Call of Duty, God of War clone, Gears of War clone, Halo clone, and well ... that really all it need. BEST LAUNCHY EVAR! ZIGGITYZUGZUGZAGGITYZAGGG!

6. Built in Bleemcast. Only good thing about Dreamcast? Playing Mortal Kombat: Special Forces and Thrill Kill on Bleemcast! YOU NO DOUBT. You remember snail game built in Master System? Well, you build in Bleemcast and all is gravy. GRAVY BOATTRAIN TO SPACESHUTTLE WORLD. Build in Call of Duty, too, and that would be GRAVY OF THE KILLER APP KIND. Taters no am included.

5. VR. Console should come with VR, but without headgear. Me no am looking like dorkdork while me am play Madden! What are you dum? Me no am punk ass mark! You would be if no launchy with headgearless VR. Mark me am wolves. No, I mean words. WORDS. MARK ME AM WORDS.

4. New storage media. You am make holographic cubes that hold 50 Terabytes. That do trick.  Pave the way of future, like Sony, by inventing new media to store media on, and then buying that format way into people hearts. It work for Bluray. It work for SOSENYGA SAMMICROFTY PLAYDREAMCASTSTATION HOLODECK HOLOBOX. With Madden in UHVD. On second thought, you no am do that. Store each game on 1,000,000 floppies instead. Call it GFMVD for short. GIGA FLOPPY MEGA VERSATILE DISC. YESHYESH?

3. Don't make you am own sports games. Dreamcast launch with NFL2k1 and it sucksuck. Why? No Madden. It that simple. You am need Madden. You am let EA make sports game for you instead. Just let EA do what EA do best on your new console -- regurgitate the same game year after year. ZUGGZUGG! Then me am can die fat happy.

Madden 2013 on the SOSENYGA SAMMICROSOFTY PLAYDREAMCASTSTATION!

Has nice ring to it, YESHYESH?

2. Make less quality hardware. No am mean less powerful. Me am mean less quality craftsmanship. This work well for Microsoft. More than half XBOX 360 get red ring and THAT make them number one in console war. You am save big much money, too. Just have Madden and Call of Duty and we am no care about quality.

1.  No Shenmue 3. Whatever you dodo, you nono make boring talkytalk game. No launchy with a talkytalky game! Shenmue 3, Bah! Living, breathing world where you am can talk to every person? NO CARE. Espeshally as launch time game. You make massive, lifelike world where am can shoot every person in face with laser chainsawswordgun. Now THAT be stuff of great game. Shenmue 3 big nono. GUZGUZ backward and shit.

You add Madden in there somewhere, me buy two.

Me am must depart now, as me am have football laser chainsawswordgunning to do. BIG MUCH.

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