Friday, November 11, 2011

BIZARRYO



Me am had someting speshal planned for today, but Skyrim came out. Me am see you in a couple year, if ever again!


ZUGGZUGG!

Monday, October 10, 2011

a list

Because me am have all the answer, me am have compilatioded a list of 10 sega game franchise that should stay dead and NEVAR, NEVAR, NEVAR get a sequel and or HD remake.


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10. Mr. Bones - This game so boring. What be point? Fight evil with a guitar? Where be chainsawswordgun? The art style suck, the main character suck, and the villain be am the worst of all with his am giant hair. STOOPID. And every level is different, so ANNOYING! This game be am much better if every level was same, and all it have was am skeleton brandishing chainsawswordgun fighting generically non-descript enemy. That it. Who need anything else? No one be am caught playing this dorky game. No way. Coolness factor -12, man. We all know how important it is to be seen as cool by our peer, yesh? VERY. John Madden hisself could no save this game. It that lame and boring.

AND THE MUSIC SUCK A FAT BONKEY DALL.







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9. Rent a Hero - Me am sure glad Japanese game am no popular anymore, and that this am series will nevar see the light of day in the west because of that. Long live American game design! Long live the same ol' same ol'!





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8. Chakan - Chakan the Forever Man. More like Chakan the Foreverly Not Good Enough Game. What the point of dual wielding sword when it am no have chainsaw/gun attached to them? ME AM WANT KNOW Y? EL STOOPIDO. It just try too hard to be cool, and fail to deliver any blood and gore. The ending say NOT THE END. Me am think it wrong. Most defanitaly not a SEGA classic. ME AM CEREAL ABOUT THIS.

AND THE MUSIC SUCK A FAT BORSE HALL.







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7. Seaman - What can am say about this obscewer piece of shit? Maybe me am just give you am an example of actual convorzashin me am have with it instead.

ME: "Hey, Seaman, you am suck!"

SEAMAN: "So does you am mother."

And so am does this game. ZUGGZUGG. Yooneek and original? BORING! Y play a game where you no can kill stuff? Y?????????????? Well, you can kill them, but slowly. That no count. BORING.






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6. Skies of Arcadia - What am be a Skies? That slang for sky? Whatev, when it am come to RPG, if it no am have FINAL or FANTASY in title, then you am best forget it. No WORLD or WARCRAFT? Forget that shit, too. FOR CEREAL. And beside, me am too busy being chained to PC MMO. It like 2 job in 1.  Who am has time to play non MMO, single player RPG anymore? No one. That who.

AND THE MUSIC SUCK A MASSIVE BIPPO HALL. NUFF SAID.








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5. Kid Chameleon - Main problem with this is it not FPS. They am tried to put cool stuff in like ninja, tank, skateboard, and maniac, but left out chainsawswordgun. WHAT? HOW COULD U? Not even laser. STUPID, BIG MUCH! And they am leave out most important thing - BLOOD. Nothing cooler than senseless vilence. YAP.





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4. Golden Axe - Why would u am make any more, especially after the last one; Beast Rider. PERFUCTION. Just leave well enough alone and know when to stop while yous am ahead. Beast Rider was it am swan song, let it be. It can no get bettar than that. And again, just sword and no chainsawswordgunnery? GTFO. Beast Rider no have that either, but that one exception to every rule. YAP.


PLUS, THE MUSIC SUCK A GIANT BHINO RALL.







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3. Panzer Dragoon Saga - Some "people" want a re-release, because it no am get much of a first release at all, but it be am good thing this game no got wider release, 'cause then "people" would want it even more than they do. Why do they want it? Hell if me am know. The general public sure am can be stupid, yesh? This game, BAH! The character all suck, graphic suck, the story suck, gameplay suck most of all, except for maybe the ending, which is too convoelooted for me am simple brain.


AND THE MUSIC SUCK A HUGE BACHYDYRM PALL. GO FIGURE.








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2. Streets of Rage - What be am a streets? That am like street? Me am confuzled. Anyhow, this game only redeemable feature is becoming bad guy at end. KEWL. But no am chainsawswordgun. NOT SO KEWL. And no John Madden. DOUBLE NOT SO KEWL.

Beat em up genre so boring. Why play when you am can play shoot em up? Wait, me am mean shooter. Shoot em up genre boring, too. Why no shooter called shoot em up? Call of Duty is a shoot em up to me. Just shoot em up. Like morphine. Which be what am we need to ease pain from playing this dinosaur of game. Me am glad you put a sees and decyst on whoever make fan made SOR Remake. No need to pollute the world with hackneyed, boring, chainsawswordgun lacking bullshit. CEREALLY.

AND THE MUSIC SUCK A SUCCULENT BONKEY MALL.




Nahh, too easy.



ZUGGZUGG!





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1. Shenmue - The bane of me am existonce. Well, what me am gonna say? You am really no want to do it, anyhow, so it inclueshun on this list is almost redundant, but me am put on anyway! For ol' time sake! Me am can no talk shit about this game enough after all. It really am that dum and pointless.

AND THE MUSIC SUCK A BIG OL' B-REX TALL. NO DOUT.







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That it for today. Me am off to play Gears of War 3 for the 89th time. Goobyebye.

Friday, September 9, 2011

PLAYDREAMCASTSTATION

Who am evar play Dreamcast? LOSERS, THAT'S WHO. Why am make a Dreamcast 2 when firstfirst sucksuck so bad? ??? It good you no am in console business no more. Dreamcast 2 no am good, man. Leave it to Sony and Microsoft. Goodgood. But if you am do make Dreamcast 2, you should listen me am following advice.

9. Name it PLAYDREAMCASTSTATION. It sell millions. It no stupid, it awesome name! You try, it workworkwork! Everyone will scream great name at top of lungs, because it am greatness in name form personified, because it great! JUST BECAUSE. YESHYESH?

8. You change company name to SOSENYGA SAMMICROSOFTY HOLDINGS. This work wonder for you. Me am know this. You am will, too. ZUGZUGS aplenty. Big much.

7. Good launch titles. Launch with Madden, Call of Duty, God of War clone, Gears of War clone, Halo clone, and well ... that really all it need. BEST LAUNCHY EVAR! ZIGGITYZUGZUGZAGGITYZAGGG!

6. Built in Bleemcast. Only good thing about Dreamcast? Playing Mortal Kombat: Special Forces and Thrill Kill on Bleemcast! YOU NO DOUBT. You remember snail game built in Master System? Well, you build in Bleemcast and all is gravy. GRAVY BOATTRAIN TO SPACESHUTTLE WORLD. Build in Call of Duty, too, and that would be GRAVY OF THE KILLER APP KIND. Taters no am included.

5. VR. Console should come with VR, but without headgear. Me no am looking like dorkdork while me am play Madden! What are you dum? Me no am punk ass mark! You would be if no launchy with headgearless VR. Mark me am wolves. No, I mean words. WORDS. MARK ME AM WORDS.

4. New storage media. You am make holographic cubes that hold 50 Terabytes. That do trick.  Pave the way of future, like Sony, by inventing new media to store media on, and then buying that format way into people hearts. It work for Bluray. It work for SOSENYGA SAMMICROFTY PLAYDREAMCASTSTATION HOLODECK HOLOBOX. With Madden in UHVD. On second thought, you no am do that. Store each game on 1,000,000 floppies instead. Call it GFMVD for short. GIGA FLOPPY MEGA VERSATILE DISC. YESHYESH?

3. Don't make you am own sports games. Dreamcast launch with NFL2k1 and it sucksuck. Why? No Madden. It that simple. You am need Madden. You am let EA make sports game for you instead. Just let EA do what EA do best on your new console -- regurgitate the same game year after year. ZUGGZUGG! Then me am can die fat happy.

Madden 2013 on the SOSENYGA SAMMICROSOFTY PLAYDREAMCASTSTATION!

Has nice ring to it, YESHYESH?

2. Make less quality hardware. No am mean less powerful. Me am mean less quality craftsmanship. This work well for Microsoft. More than half XBOX 360 get red ring and THAT make them number one in console war. You am save big much money, too. Just have Madden and Call of Duty and we am no care about quality.

1.  No Shenmue 3. Whatever you dodo, you nono make boring talkytalk game. No launchy with a talkytalky game! Shenmue 3, Bah! Living, breathing world where you am can talk to every person? NO CARE. Espeshally as launch time game. You make massive, lifelike world where am can shoot every person in face with laser chainsawswordgun. Now THAT be stuff of great game. Shenmue 3 big nono. GUZGUZ backward and shit.

You add Madden in there somewhere, me buy two.

Me am must depart now, as me am have football laser chainsawswordgunning to do. BIG MUCH.

Monday, August 8, 2011

SHENMUE NO AM SO GREAT



ME TAKE BREAK FROM PRESTIGING TO BRING YOU CROSSWORD PUZZLE.  YUPPYUPP. IT NO SO BIG, BUT ME GOT PRESTIGING TO DO, HAHAHA. SHUT YOUR MOUF. PRESTIGING BE PRESTIGIOUS!!! QUADRUPLE YUPPS! YOU AM CLICK PICTURE, PRINT, PLAY.

SO YOU AM ENJOY, AND BONAPPETITTYFUCK!

ZUGG ZUGG!!!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

shenmue gaga


Shenmue. What be big deal? Me no see why sega make it in first place. Shenmue not classic. Shenmue no good, it no sell well and no make money. Shenmue no make money? No duh. It fail for much reason. Me tell you how.

7. No am have Call of Duty in title. Who want play Shenmue when you want play Call of Duty? Me no want. You no want. No one no want. That who.  No killstreak = no Shenmue. Shenmue need bald space marine. Me say that a real good reason! 

6. No gun. No chainsaw. No chainsaw gun. Shenmue no have these things and fail bigg-bigg. Yupp. Everyone know chainsaw gun am best. Who want talk people when you am can chainsaw gun people!? No, gun no count in game you play in arcade. That old game. Who want play that? Old shit graphic, and no chainsaw gun. STOOPID.

5. It take place in 1986. Who want play game take place in past? Me no want. You no want. No one want. Who want play game take place before born? Why am do that? 1986 boring. Me no want. Me all want play future game, not old game! If no future game then play medieval magic game! Chainsaw magic dragon! Lightning gun artillery alien! Chainsaw magic minotaur gun guild! Duck, dodge, and chainsaw magic gun! Zug zug!

4. No have "John Madden" in title. If game have John Madden inside, I buy. No question ask. That all me have say about that.

3. No can run over hooker. Shenmue have this, it sell 19 million copy. Yupp. Without? It sell 1 million. See difference that run over hooker make? BIG MUCH.

2. No create character. Ryo Hazuki no fun. Ignore lady, drink soda, buy toy. No fun. No fun. No fun. Me want make own character. Me want play real good guy, then me want play real bad woman! Good and evil.  It just am like real life!

1. No am realistic enough. Real time weather? Me no care. Real like environment? Me no care. Ryo ignoring pretty lady? I care. How can Ryo resist beautiful woman? UNREALISTICK. Shenmue be more like real life and sell well if Ryo no ignore woman.Yupp.






Me am sleepy. Me am go play Wand of Gamelon a small much before bed. NITE.